Do schools have protocols or policies in place for these occasions? Is it a case by case situation? Relationships are key in my experience. I work across multiple schools and different schools respond in such very different ways. Transparent acknowledgement from flowers and bereavement cards to 'oh I am so sorry I didn't know why you were away?" Schools received notification of my absence via email and the reasons for my prolonged absence. Some schools passed this on to their staff who welcomed me back to work with compassion and support. Some teachers had even kept meticulous records of changes to enable me to get up to speed with current happenings rapidly. Some teachers knew nothing of why I was absent and had kept no records of any kind.
https://grief.com/10-best-worst-things-to-say-to-someone-in-grief/
I can recall every one of these response being given and inwardly wincing with the Worst and being grateful for the best. The very worst was no acknowledgement at all. No matter how bad the worst comments were, it was always clear that they were well intended. No two schools were the same. Upon reflection it seems that where the relationships were strong they became stronger and great care was demonstrated, where relationships were new or limited then care was limited or non existent.
As I work in schools there is also the issue of thinking through how to communicate my absence and return to the students with special needs that I work with. Obviously age and cognitive ability will dictate how one communicates with students. Again some teachers will have already communicated something to students and one needs to be cognisant of this and match the tone and level of personal communication to the information shared at the school. After my return to work some students came to me with hugs and cards they had made, some did not know why I had been away and when they were told by the teacher they met me with tears and I needed to console them. Some students were remarkably empathetic and caring - even more so than adults in some circumstances. Some students were indifferent and simply annoyed that I had been away. I needed all of my emotional reserves to meet the needs of the students in those first weeks at a time when my own well of emotional strength was almost drained dry. It was hard. It was exhausting.
At the time I recall thinking that there must be a better way to support bereaved people when they return to work. I worked with the Mercy Sisters in Hospice care before doing my training as a teacher and was blessed to have walked alongside many families as they said goodbye to loved ones. This did give me some preparation for the process although the raw impact of losing someone you love is always a unique and painful experience. The American Hospice website has an excellent section on the bereaved employee and the summary states that " Thinking ahead will make your return to work easier and less painful. Healing from the death of a loved one is a long, slow process, but getting back into a routine is an important step in the journey". I don't recall thinking, planning or preparing ahead. I returned to work because I knew that I had to in order to keep a salary coming in to pay the bills. I was not thinking clearly enough to do anything else and this is where some guidelines or policy would have been extraordinarily helpful.
Death is so much a part of life and as New Zealand has an aging workforce it becomes a matter of logical thinking to realise that many teachers will face the loss of parents while they are working and schools need to be compassionate and supportive to their employees for two reasons. Firstly, it is the right and ethical pathway for all responsible employers and secondly; it will roll model to students how to respond to bereavement. Some societies and cultures have long standing cultural traditions that support the communities in times of bereavement and once the churches would have provided a structure and traditional response that would both guide and support communities during bereavements. Today in multi-cultural, pluralistic and diverse communities the historical supports are not always available and do not necessarily provide an appropriate response. It becomes even more important for schools to creatively co-construct and model compassionate and caring ways of supporting bereaved people in the workplace. This is true of all work places obviously, however my focus is on schools as this is where my experience and lifetime of work has taken place for more than forty years.
SOURCES AND FURTHER READING
http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/0/m/Managing-bereavement-in-the-workplace-a-good-practice-guide.pdf
www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-at-work
http://modernloss.com/handling-and-helping-with-grief-at-work/
https://americanhospice.org/the-bereaved-employee-returning-to-work/
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/bereavement.aspx
https://www.thelossfoundation.org/
https://www.gov.mb.ca/labour/standards/doc,bereavement-leave,factsheet.html
No comments:
Post a Comment